I’ve been obsessed with bass music ever since my brother brought home a broken subwoofer from the side of the road that only worked at max volume. It was a tough childhood trying to pull every wub from bad Nickelback albums while warding off my teenage demons by playing Down w/ The Sickness on repeat.

Thankfully my “Everytime We Touch” ringtone kept the girls away from me long enough that I could discover Dubstep really early in its development. Now that my 01 Mercury Villager had 3 Solo-Barics, the friend zone just wasn’t enough for my high school crush who accepted my Dubstep mix-cd (Moog Hits Vol 1) and let me spend the next 3 years of my life learning what the real world is about with her and her son.

Through those years, we grew our love for the OG Occilating Robot Sex Noises of UKF Dubstep but my taste for feminine vocals sparked a strange insecurity. As we grew apart, the last song I remember really connecting to with her was Lana Del Ray – Summer Time Sadness when she decided it was best for her to go to school in Indiana, 600 miles away from home. My subwoofers got bigger and I started to really enjoy making visualizations so she eventually came back and we spent another 2 years together.

…. “You won’t ever have to be alone…” “I promise to love you forever…” When you get into a young relationship with your best friend, you don’t hear anything around you. Nothing can hurt you. You’re not afraid of anything. Cheating is forgivable, lying is something you can work on. please don’t go… the world is scary…

Loud music started to dim. Bigger subwoofers didn’t help much. 

Ocean Eyes came out of nowhere. She said everything perfectly, did everything right, came in so quickly, it was like she was everything I wanted, I was everything she wanted. It. Was. Fun. Chaos was born. We fought HARD but somehow 3 years BLINKED by. The music didn’t really matter because it was just one really long festival. We forgot to drink water and really couldn’t hear each other over the music… 

We hurt each other really bad.
🎶Seasons change and our love went cold
Feed the flame ’cause we can’t let go
Run away, but we’re running in circles.

Compounded with the hurt that comes with separating, I was losing my company… The music blasting from the gym echoed louder every week as more offices emptied from my 12,000 sqft office. Sweat was pouring out of me when I’d beat the office punching bag for hours screaming because I knew it was my best friend or my sister that I’d have to let go next and there’s nobody to blame but myself. “If I wait another week maybe I can see Aiden, the office dog one more time.”
I was juggling so many balls in the air I couldn’t breathe.

I’ve gotta get out of This Town… 

My friends and family were there every second to help me fall as soft as possible, no matter how painful and slow it seemed. I love you so much.

On the way down, I woke up in the middle of my first ever music festival. 

My brother was attending Couch Lands 2019 in our house with no warning whatsoever. Apparently, this was year 3 for him so we REALLY attended… I’m not entirely sure how we survived but I felt like I was hearing music for the first time in my life.

A song found me that changed my perspective of music & love      Stupid Love     . 

Illenium was already helping me through the sad boy hours and this song with Excision felt so deliberate. The message is so indirect and left to interpretation but understandable. Every word is important and purposeful and every wubble explains the emotions. 

When hearing it for the first time I felt like it applied to every doubt and question I could ask.

It’s a bold statement to say that a song might be influenced by God or the Creator or the Energy that we are made of, but I believe that no matter how you interpret God, we are all the same One. Connected. Everything good and bad is purposeful. I like to listen to this song from the perspective that God might be speaking the way we face doubts even about our own existence.

I believe that’s why this song has two names. “Gold” and “Stupid Love”. – We are left to choose the title.

I started to hear the pianos in the background of aggressive bass music. I started to see how artists like SVDDEN DEATH & Slander can combine opposite ends of a genre and make beautiful things that can connect people that would never have been connected before.

2020 – You’re Perfect I Hate It |  / Tidal Wave

11 months in and I can feel the pieces falling into place again <3 Looking forward to posting part 2…